Vape detectors: dumb tech meets the nanny state

It’s called Fly Sense, and it's supposed to protect kids from vaping and bullying

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smoke_detector

If you’ve been following the news, you must be aware that vaping is the biggest threat to our youth in recent years. According to hundreds of news stories — based on actual studies by real scientists! — vaping is virtually certain to addict kids to nicotine, and probably turn them into cloud-blowing, fedora-wearing hipsters.

Luckily, caring school administrators now have an innovative new surveillance tool to find vape offenders early, so they can be safely shipped to re-education camps before they pollute the schools with their degenerate fake smoking.

“The key to improving life safety and security in schools is through automated situational awareness. Principals and teachers must receive real-time information about a possible threat/situations, so they can initiate the appropriate response plan.”

So says the promotional material on the website of a company called Digital Fly. The New York outfit makes a “suite of software tools and services to help schools with bullying, cyber-bullying, suicide, self-harm, violence and other potential dangers.” Like vaping.

When the sensor reading increases suddenly, it could mean...a vaper!


“The Fly Paper Engine communicates with the various Fly Sensors to provide life safety, security and environmental notifications,” the site says. “Ensure the right information reaches the person via the right Fly Sensor so a potential situation can be addressed the right way.

“With the Fly Sense sensor array you can keep a close eye on what matters most to you and be able to react in time to prevent disaster. Receive alerts directly to your smart phone so you are aware of when a Fly Sensor detects a threat.”

The “Fly Sense sensor” is the one that detects vape junkies exhaling in the bathroom. It also detects bullying. Perhaps even by the same student.

“If someone is inside the bathroom and they vape, it will contaminate the air, our sensor will pick it up and it will alert somebody in real time, ‘Hey, there’s a problem here, your air is contaminated, somebody could be vaping, somebody could be smoking, send somebody to check it out,'” Digital Fly’s Billy Schweigert told Fox News.

You know the world is upside down when people are inventing high tech gadgets to solve problems that don't exist

Schweigert explained that the Fly Sense device detects gas and moisture in the air. When the sensor reading increases suddenly, it could mean…a vaper! Fly Sense then sends a notification to a cell phone to someone on the beleaguered staff.

It also detects peaks in sound levels, which Schweigert says may indicate bullying in progress. Apparently bullies nowadays aren’t quiet and creepy like they were in my day. But they will be once they read about Fly Sense!

You know the world is upside down when people are inventing high tech gadgets to solve problems that don’t exist — and officials like school boards are lining up to be fleeced. We know that the vast majority of vaping high school kids are doing it as an alternative to smoking. And until people understand that harm reduction for smokers is a good thing, count on seeing more “innovation” like this.

Jim McDonald

I spend most of my time studying the regulatory, legislative and scientific challenges to vaping, advocating for our right to exist, and talking with others who do the same. Consider me a source for information, and feel free to agree or disagree with anything I say. I love good coffee and sweet Michigan cherries. My childhood hero was Gordie Howe.

  • Rojeans

    I’d be interested to know if farts would set the thing off. Highly likely in a toilet. Principles will be busy 😁

    • Jeremy

      The whole thing is just ridiculous, though it is funny to think about “gas” in a bathroom!

  • Steve Peach

    I’m willing to bet some enterprising opportunist just saw a chance to sell off their inventory of cheap-ass low-tech smoke detectors – you know the ones that always used to false alarm over a bit of steam from the shower or a kettle left on… Whip up a glossy brochure combining marketing-speak with the scare-du-jour and the money rolls in.

    • Jim McDonald

      Haha, could be!

  • Gruelgle31175

    Theyre just rebranded Nerd Alerts.

  • Tori

    Big brother watching! Imagine alerts going off all over, faculty chasing clouds instead of teaching or working. 😂 Old school- back in 1985 when my high school had a smoking section where students & faculty were allowed to light up a ciggs on breaks. No joke! Stopped smoking 5 yrs ago thanks to vaping and haven’t looked back. This is insane. Vape is not a gateway. Some kids will start ciggs regardless of all the anti-campaigns. Vaping offers a safe alternative that can’t be denied. But we can’t have big companies losing money and government losing taxes on that pack of smokes. Gasp!

    • Paul Azadian

      I’d have my kid vape rather than smoking. It can be a hobby on the hardware side, and gastronomical discovery on the juice side.

      Vape most certainly IS a gateway.
      To deliciousness and happiness!!